Wow! Talk About Wake Up Call

Last Tuesday I went back to MNCOME to get evaluated and realized that I had actually gained 5 pounds since I had Adalyn, that is pathetic.  Well, I talked to a nutritionist and we figured out my problem is that I don't eat during the day, but I drink pop and then when I come home at night I eat.  Sometimes, more than one serving because I am starving.  Well, my body then is harboring everything because it doesn't know when the next time it is going to be fed.

We talked portion control and small servings throughout the entire day.  That night I went to the store and got some healthy foods to snack on.  When I got home, my wonderful and supportive hubby helped me count out the correct servings and put them in snack bags for me so I have no excuse to eat more than what I am suppose to.

Wednesday was day 1 again.  So for the last week, I have been doing amazing with grabbing the little baggies in the morning, grabbing my lunch and heading out the door.  I even set my phone with multiple alarms so that it goes off and tells me to have a snack, lunch, ect.  That way if I get wrapped up in work it will remind me that I need to eat.  The one Marine that I had talked about before, the one who wants me to do IsaGenics (???) has been really supportive.  She and I went on about a little under 2 mile walk around the base today, and it wasn't at a leisure pace either, I was sweating by the time I was done and my face looks like a tomato!  I thought that was it, but nope, once we came back in the building I was walking towards my office and she goes, oh no, we aren't done here.  We went into the weight room and she showed me some great exercises to do.  I am not sure I will be able to move away from my desk later!  It feels so good though to be back at it.

So, if gaining weight back wasn't enough of a wake up call, then this sure was...

I had my review with my boss, who is the Commanding Officer of the unit I work for.  She is only here once a month during drill, so she doesn't see me a lot.  Well, when I went into her office and sat down, she asked me how I was doing and said that she thinks I am stressed.  She then goes, "You have gained a lot of weight since I have seen you last" OUCH!  I didn't really know how to respond!  To top it off, when the meeting was over she goes "Lose some weight!  I am looking forward to seeing the progress these coming drills and it better be going positive versus negative" Um...OK!  I just had to tell myself that she is a Marine and she is used to talking to Marines, not civilians.  Still it hurt, but I think it was what I needed to hear.  Someone other than myself or my family telling me it.  They will love me no matter what, but an outside person having the balls to tell it to my face, that is what I needed.  Made me wonder what everyone else is thinking.

So...here is my good news...

In ONE WEEK, I am down SIX POUNDS!!!!!!  Woot Woot!!!  Baby steps!  Baby steps :)

HELL YES!

The No Junk Food Challenge

Well, looks like I am back where I started...damn it!  No time is better than the present so lets get to it.  I am starting something I found on Pinterest and am actually really excited to try it out.  It is called "The No Junk Food Challenge"

The Rules:
No chocolate
No candy
No biscuits or cookies
No cake, doughnuts or muffins
No pastries
No white bread
No chips
No fast food
No nutella, peanut butter or other naughty spreads
No ice cream
(this last one I added...)
No pop!

FOR 21 DAYS!!!  Remember, it takes 21 days to form a habit.

This challenge will take place from:
Tuesday August 21st to Monday September 10th

I will be sure to update as these next 3 weeks of hell consume me!  Just kidding (kinda)

I am SICK and TIRED of being SICK and TIRED. I know, cliche, but it is the fricken truth.  I hate it.  I saw a motivational poster yesterday that said "Stop complaining about something you aren't trying to change" That hurt, it hit me hard, that is where my problem lies.  I complain, I cry, I get depressed, I feel sorry about myself, I mope around, I sulk, yada yada yada...it is almost like I think that someone or something is going to miraculously change it, that I am going to wake up and realize it was a bad dream or something.  Stupid Theresa!

There is this program that I really want to try but don't have the funds for it right now.  It is called Isagenix.  One of the Marines that I work with does it and it sounds really interesting.  It is a natural detox/cleanse. You can do a 9 day cleanse or a 30 day cleanse.  I would LOVE to do the 30 day cleanse but it just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me right now.

Anyone know any cheap detox plans?  Foods?  Drinks?

I AM THE CHANGE.  I am the KEY to ME!

I need to learn to take time for ME, I need to find a way to balance being a mom to kids with special needs and just needs in general, to being a working mom, to being a wife (really need to find that one too, my poor hubby, I am just to exhausted to find time for us) to being Theresa.  The girl I need to find, BIG TIME.

Well, welcome to my journey again! 

Enjoy the ride, I know I will! (probably not during but will after!)

Muah!

Day 1 of Morning Bike Rides

Since I have an amazing hubby who knows how bad I want to get back in shape for my birthday this year he bought me a bike!!  I love it :0)  The seat is killing my behind but I just have to suck it up and wait for my tushy to get smaller! LOL  Ain't she a beauty!

This morning started the first day of my morning bike ride routine that I have decided to do.  Tim doesn't have a bike so it doesn't work very well for us to be able to go together bike riding so I am on my own, which means that I have to make sure that I stay motivated to do it. The alarm went off at 5:30am this morning and I told Tim to hit the snooze button and he did but he mumbled half asleep, "you only get one snooze" so I knew that I needed to get up and get moving!  By 6am I was out the door riding my bike. I am not sure exactly how far I rode, I will have to clock it tonight when we go to Benjamin's soccer game but it took a little less than 20 minutes. I know that doesn't seem like a lot but Tim and I agreed that I need to take it slow in the beginning so I don't burn myself out and get discouraged and not want to do it.  It felt great, it was hot and humid but it still felt great to get up and do it.  It helped with getting moving in the morning too.

Tonight, I am starting Jillian Michaels' Ripped in 30 video.  It is suppose to be like the 30 day shred but you do it for 4 weeks and there is 4 workouts so a new work out each week.  My hubby will be joining me too!

Hope you all have a great week!

Let's Try This Again

Welcome Back! To myself and to all of you who are still finding the time to follow me :)

I am going to be brutally honest with myself and with everyone who is reading this...I have sucked :) I have not been doing what I wanted to be doing, nor have I been working out or eating like I have been wanting to. The only person to blame is ME! I know that I have had a lot of people tell me that "you have had so much stuff going on in your life right now, you have every right to have slacked" um...NO! I should have been working out my stress not eating it. Shame on me!

So, here I am, back at it. Tim is still supporting me 100% which is great but I feel bad for the poor guy. He hears me complain every day if not 10 times a day about how I hate what I look like, I hate how I feel, I want to cry when I go to get dressed, ect... Still he smiles at me, wraps his arms around me and tells me that I will get there, he will help me get there and it is going to be ok and that he loves me for me. Love that man!

I have made a promise to myself that I am done with pop, diet and regular. I know this sounds horrible but I will be starting that one tomorrow (only because I have drank pop today) but tomorrow is a different story. I am going to be starting what I did when I was on slimgenics and drinking my 80 ounces of water a day instead. I am going to try what I have seen on pinterest about freezing "real" fruit juice into ice cubes and throw that into my water every day to give it some little pizazz!

I am going to start back up with the Jillian Michaels too, hopefully I can get that started back up tonight. I am really wanting to get a jump on this weight loss again, I know that it isn't always easy to see when you start losing even just a little but I need to just do it. Hannah's 5th birthday is coming up on the 7th of July and we will be having family in town visiting. There is a certain person who has said some very hurtful things about me, such as "we are waiting for the big fat one" and other mean things who will be in attendance at her birthday party so if I can even look a tad bit different (for the better) from Benjamin's party that was last weekend to when she comes back again, that will be a great way to throw it in her face! (I think most of you know who I am talking about!)

Thank you for following me on this journey again. I appreciate all the support :)  Again, I am open for advice, recipies, working out (that is free!) and anything else people want to lend me!

LETS DO THIS!

Here we go AGAIN!

Welcome back to the WORKOUT blog!  I know I kinda lost track on what this blog was suppose to be about with everything going on with Adalyn and Benjamin :)

So...to follow Adalyn's journey please go to:
www.caringbridge.com/visit/adalynnace

Quick update on Benjamin though because I know people are probably wondering what is going on with him :)

Benjamin had his appointment on April 19th and the ENT said that he needed to have a CT Scan with contrast to see if they could see the mass a little better since the antibiotics did not take it away.  We had the scan on April 20th and I received the results that evening: there is a mass, cannot tell if it is in the gland or in a lymph node at this time.  Tonsils are very large and adenoids look to have grown back.  So, we went in to the ENT again on April 26th and had him scheduled for surgery.  He will have surgery in two weeks on May 21st.  They will be removing the mass (along with the lymph node and gland if it is affected) and sending it off to pathology to find out what exactly it is if it is anything.  He will also be having his tonsils removed as well as his adenoids again.  He also has a tube in his left ear that hasn't fallen out after 2 years :)  I figured if I am going to have a week of hell with the mass then might as well take everything at one time...no point making him go through it more than once right :)  He will have a small cut under his chin that the ENT said shouldn't be that noticeable.  Plus he is a boy, it adds character right :)

Now onto me! 

I am beyond stressed!  I did lose weight while Adalyn was in the hospital for those 10 days.  I am not sure what my weight is right now, I haven't had the guts to stand on the scale.  I do know that I lost weight because pants I couldn't put on comfortably before the hospital stay fit by the time I left :)  yay!  I am back to taking the Phentermine that I was taking before so hopefully that will help me out.  I got word that my kiddos got split up for soccer this summer since they had so many kids sign up so they split the girls and boys up so we will have soccer Monday-Thursday every week until August :)  Wow!  Good thing it is at McMorrow Field which isn't too far from my house so I think a couple times a week we will be walking to and from soccer. That will be a great way to get in some exercise :)

Thanks for sticking with me!

Have a wonderful day!

Strength of an Egg

Tomorrow morning is the day that we find out what the next steps are with Benjamin.  I was helping him get dressed this morning because for some reason "it was just too hard to get dressed by myself, mom can you help me!"  That guy is just too smart, he knows how to pull on mommy's heart strings, so of course I walked over to him in the living room and started helping him get dressed, all the while he had this cheesy little smirk on his face, he knew he had won me over!  Yup, the award for push-over of the year goes to mom!  Anyways while I was getting his shirt on he looked up and I noticed that the lump has gotten bigger since I felt it a couple days ago, he looked at me and goes "my bump is still there mommy, I can still feel it" it broke my heart but it made me just keep pushing for tomorrow more and more.

I had a friend send me something the other day and I thought it fit perfectly so I wanted to share it with you all:

Parents of children with a potentially serious condition, are often referred to or viewed as having strength "like a rock." Albeit flattering, it isn't quite true. It is more like the strength of an egg.  An egg, you ask? Yes, an egg.  If you think about an egg, you will see the point I make.

An egg has a polished smooth outer appearance with no cracks or weak spots visible. It seems almost inconceivable that the inside might not be as smooth and solid as the outside. Most children, at some point in their lifetime, are shown the famous egg trick. An egg set at just the right angle can withstand an enormous amounts of pressure and cannot be cracked or broken. Yet the same egg, tapped gently at an even slightly different angle will break. The contents, once so neatly concealed inside, will come spilling out, and the no longer perfect shell will be crushed. Then the shell looks so fragile that it seems inconceivable that it ever held any strength.

That is where parents of children with potentially serious conditions are more like eggs than rocks. A rock is solid all the way through. If you tried to break a rock, it would be almost impossible. If successful, one would find that there is nothing inside but more rock. It takes a lot more than pure hardness to hold the hand of hope. These parents are not solid all the way through. They hurt, they fear, they cry, they hope. It takes a very careful balancing act to keep the shell from being shattered.

Balancing an egg while running a household, going for doctor visits, keeping the family together and holding onto the constantly unraveling ties of your sanity can be very tricky indeed. Occasionally, the angle will be off and the shell will break, shattering hope and the neatly secured appearances of a truly fragile existence. Unlike Humpty Dumpty though, parents of kids with potentially serious conditions will pick themselves up and put themselves back together again.

I thought that fit perfectly because I have had so many people tell me that I am such a strong mom and that I am holding up so perfectly and that they can't believe how well I am doing.  Well the truth is, I do break down.  Just ask my husband and ask my parents.  Those three are AMAZING and sometimes they just let me cry and let it out.  They are always there though to say something encouraging and my dad is great at getting me to laugh.  I made sure to put on the saying I just posted potentially serious conditions because we are not sure what is going on yet but they have the potential to be serious.  Either way, knowing that something is going on with your child that is just not right has to be one of the hardest things to face as a parent.  Wondering the what ifs, the hows, and the whys, that no one can answer for me right now are the most daunting questions I have ever been faced with.  So yes, right now my strength is that of an egg and today it feels like it could be shattered but tomorrow morning at 10am when I am holding my precious 3 1/2 year old son's hand as we walk into the clinic it will still be the strength of an egg but it will be the strength that will not allow it to shatter so my little monkey will see how brave mommy is and that will help him be brave too.

Thanks for listening :)

Gotta Have Faith

This is going to be a random post that has nothing to do with working out but I needed to share this and I would rather share it on here than on Facebook since I know the hype of my blog has worn down so there will be less people reading this now than there were when I first started writing this.

Have you ever wondered why things in your life happen the way that they do?  Why you were dealt the hand that you have in this game of life? When is enough really going to be enough?  What is going to come of the future?

I have been thinking those questions a lot lately and I am trying to tell myself that I just need to have faith.  I need to trust that everything is going to work out just fine and that everything will soon fall into place.  Now you all are wondering, "seriously, what the heck is going on!"

Well in January, my monkey man Benjamin, had a lump on his neck.  At first Tim and I thought that it was just a swollen lymph node and thought nothing of it but it wasn't going down.  We brought him into his doctor and he ran some blood tests since he thought that maybe he had mono since he had an enlarged spleen, well they all came back normal so we were told that he possibly had "Cat Scratch Fever"  We thought nothing of it since when we looked it up there was nothing that would cause any serious problems.  The lump never fully went away, it did however get smaller but you could definitely still feel it if you touched his neck.  Well in March it came back again and this time it was larger than it was before.  I again brought him back to the pediatrician because now we were worried.  His doctor thought that it would be a good thing to bring him to the dentist to make sure that there wasn't an infection in his tooth since blood tests showed nothing.  Off to the dentist the next morning and NOTHING.  We were then referred to the ENT and they had us do an ultrasound before we went and saw him.  We went there and it came back that he had swelling and fluid in his sub mandibular gland (ones located right along your jaw line) we went to the ENT and he felt them and said that he was concerned since Benjamin is only 3 (4 next month, wow time flies!) and that rarely children have issues with their sub mandibular gland and that it could signify something serious.  He wanted to do a strong and long course of antibiotics for 20 days and have him come back.  That way he could just see if there happened to be an infection that was harboring in his gland that was not wanting to show up on blood work.  Well we finished the antibiotics and lo behold there is STILL the lump...again it isn't as large but it didn't go away.  We go back on Thursday to hear what the next steps are.  The ENT had stated that if he feels even the slightest bit of a lump than the whole gland needs to be removed and biopsied.  So I am a nervous wreck with that.

Now onto my other stress...this one falls under the whole "When is enough really going to be enough?"  We all know that Tim and I have a beautiful baby girl Adalyn that was born in December. Well she is still our perfect and beautiful little princess but there are some little things that are going on.  When I was 8 months pregnant my stomach would shudder and vibrate.  It was nothing that I had ever felt with Hannah and Benjamin.  I would tell my parents, my OB and Tim that it felt like she was having a seizure.  Well, no one knew what to say or do (not that there would have been much they could have done) but it would have been nice for someone to acknowledge it.  When she was born in the hospital she was always twitching and moving her left side of the body, I brought it up to a nurse and she thought nothing of it.  When she was 5 weeks old and was put in the ICU for her RSV she had an episode of becoming stiff as a board and arching her back while making weird high pitched sounds and turning her head to the right.  I started crying because I thought she was having a seizure.  The doctor looked at her and stated it was reflux. Well Adalyn has never gotten better since then.  She still arches her back, she gets stiff, she cries uncontrollably and she is very jerky.  She flails her arms and legs uncontrollably and puts her limbs in weird positions.  I finally got fed up with hearing it was just reflux and I called Gillette Children's and got in touch with a Neurologist.  2 weeks ago she had a 4 hour Video EEG completed and it showed that she may have abnormal brain waves but so far no seizures so praise the Lord on that.  She didn't pass the Neurological Exam so there is for sure something neurologically wrong.  She has increased tone in her upper and lower extremities which may be Cerebral Palsy and she does have abnormal movements.  They are thinking she may in fact had seizures in-utero and had a stroke in-utero.  She goes for a sedated MRI on her brain on 4/24.  We will then see if she does have brain damage and figure out what the next plans are.

I just want to break down and scream.  I have had numerous people tell me that there is a reason why God gave Tim and I the children that we have and I fully believe that, no doubt in my mind about that.  Whatever Hannah, Benjamin and Adalyn need they will get from Tim and I.  We have shown that with Benjamin with his Autism Spectrum Disorder that he has, we got him to therapy every week that he needed it.  Whatever therapies that Adalyn needs we will make sure she gets there.  It is still hard though.  It still makes me ask those questions I posted earlier.  I cannot help but feel like I failed as a mother, that somehow these are my fault.  If you all could just say a prayer for my family that would be great.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.